You’ve made a connection with a potential date. What next? A little email small talk, to find out if you have enough in common to take things offline and meet for a drink. But what do you say to someone you can’t see? It’s a little daunting to realize that even random chatter could be loaded with telling information that can make or break the connection. Your goal is to meet for a date—or decide not to. This is the conversation that may determine what happens next. Here are a few tips.
Reread his or her profile. What details caught your attention? Ask about hobbies, accomplishments, pets—if it made it into their profile, it’s important to them, and they’ll enjoy telling you about it. Try: “Tell me more about your dog,” or “How long have you been running marathons?”
“What do you do for a living?” Here’s a topic that can tell you a lot about a person. Perhaps they have a wonderfully unique profession, which will lead to further discussion. Or perhaps they have a mundane job that pays the bills. Probe a little deeper. Do they stick with it because the flexibility/pay allows them to pursue some other passion? Or are they a stick in the mud, afraid to make a change? When people talk about their work, they reveal passion, creativity, excitement, and intelligence. Or is it bitterness, lack of imagination, and personal conflicts? Either way, you’ll want to know.
“So how did you end up in the Twin Cities?” This question will lead to others. Did they grow up here? You can ask a bit about the family. Did they move here for work or school? You’ll find out about their interests, dreams, and how successful they are in their work.
“What’s your favorite restaurant?” Just like a favorite drink, this fun, seemingly superficial detail can tell you things about a person. Are they adventurous, cautious, cheap? And this discussion may lead to an invitation to go there together on a date.
“What do you do on weekends?” Here’s a chance to get a peek into what this person does when he or she isn’t on a date. Friends, sports, hobbies are all worth asking about.
“How do you feel about....” If you have any “deal-breakers”—for instance, if you absolutely, bar none, no matter what, won’t date someone who holds a certain view or has a certain life situation, get it out in the open now, so you both can move on to more promising dates. Religion, politics, eating habits, health issues, children, etc. may be deal-breakers for some people. On the other hand, it’s smart to be open-minded. Opposites attract, and surprises can be wonderful.
“Have you ever dated someone you met online before?” Hey, this is a new way of meeting people, and if you’re both new at it, you can laugh and test the waters together. And if not, you may have some great stories to share when you go on your first date.